Holy crap you don’t know how much I’ve missed you all. How much I’ve missed blogging.
I’m sorry I’ve been absent lately, and you haven’t heard from me. I’m sorry that I disappeared with no explanation. I didn’t post anything official stating I’d be gone for a while because I personally hate the word “hiatus” and all of the guilt it brings. I didn’t want to take a hiatus, but I needed a break for a little bit. And once I stepped away, I realized how much I missed it.
The month of March was awful. I adopted a bunch of new hobbies and there were so many things I wanted to accomplish all the time. I wanted to do ALL THE THINGS, but when I didn’t have time or energy to do them, it bummed me out. So I did nothing. Then I got more bummed out. (It’s a vicious cycle.) I think I was just trying to take on too much and burned myself out. The shitty weather also didn’t help. I had a lot of other things piling up – financial stress, car problems (lots of them), stress at work…and it was really bringing me down. I started feeling depressed and unmotivated. I wasn’t enjoying the things I usually enjoy doing. I had literally NO desire to do anything. I moped a lot, slept a lot, and cried a lot. I was in a pretty dark place for about a month. The past few days have been the first good days I’ve had for a while.
I was doing SO good on blogging and reading in January and February, too. I was 3 weeks ahead on posts and more than a month ahead on reviews. I was 10 books ahead of schedule on my reading goal. I was reading 12-15 books a month. Then March came and I just….stopped. I only finished 3 books in March, and that was a struggle. The book that threw me into a reading slump was Mistborn. Actually, I shouldn’t even blame that book, because I re-read my favorite series (The Wayfarer Redemption), and after that nothing could really compare. That’s probably what started it, to be honest. I wanted more high fantasy, so I picked up Mistborn, but it just didn’t do it for me. 140 pages in and I was bored half to death! That was around the time that things started to happen in other areas of life: Car dies, we borrow parents’ car, that one dies, we fix it, it dies again, then they take it back and we have to fix the other one, too; then it was Spring Break week at work and 90% of the dogs and people were raging assholes; I had issues with a coworker, and I was already feeling low emotionally and spiritually…and all of that piled up was just too much. I was practically having a breakdown because I couldn’t take it. I started feeling really hopeless and negative, and all of those toxic black thoughts kept swirling around and multiplying and I couldn’t shake it.
A lot of the stress has waned now, and I honestly think the thing I needed most was some sunshine. All of the dreary gray was so not helping! The past few days have been gorgeous, and I’ve been trying to work on calming my mind and letting go. I’ve been feeling so much better! I’ve got a lot of catching up to do now, though. I’m currently NINE reviews behind, I haven’t handled the Life of a Blogger situation, and I have an enormous book haul from the past month to put together. But I can do this! (I just have to keep telling myself that.)
I just want to say thank you to everyone who has stuck with me through thick and thin, and thank you to anyone who is still reading this right now. You guys are seriously amazing! <3