See the full list of topics HERE.
Last week’s topic: Couponing! (freebie topic)
This week’s topic: Fears
This is kind of a hard one for me, because there’s not much that actually scares me. I can watch ANY horror movie without batting an eyelash, and no movie I’ve ever seen has scared me. There have been a couple that kind of creeped me out (um, The Hills Have Eyes *cringes*), but none have made me feel fear. Maybe because I know it’s not real? Who knows. But I usually find most “horror” movies as more of comedy than actual horror.
I’ve got a few very minor “phobias” that are more like strong distaste than actual fear, and those are:
- Spiders. The only bug that can turn me into a squealing girly girl! I hate spiders. If they’re small, I’ll screech and then stomp the crap out of it, but I won’t go anywhere near a spider if it’s bigger than a dime.
- Woods in the dark. Only because I don’t know what is out there! We used to have coyotes around my parents’ house, and even though I know they’re probably more afraid of me than I am of them, I was still freaked out to go near the woods at night. Have you ever heard them celebrate after a kill? Makes your arm hair stand on end…
- Video. I have this weird phobia of being recorded. And no candid pictures for me!
- Talking on the phone. Again, more of a
strong distastehatred than fear. I avoid it at all costs!
- Change. I’m a creature of habit, so I don’t like things to be changed unless they have to be. I don’t adapt well to the changing of things that have been the same and that I’ve gotten used to.
- This is going to sound really dumb, but I’m afraid of running over cats while driving. I’ve hit two before, and both times were absolutely awful. I am afraid to drive on back roads at night because I don’t want another cat running out in front of me. One of those times was on my way to work at 6am…I pulled over and went back for it, and it was just laying in the road twitching and bleeding. I had a moment of panic where I thought about calling my vet (one of the perks of working at a vet is you have a Dr. on call 24/7), but it was clearly too late. The worst part is that it was still very young, no more than 6 months. It died in my arms. :( I was a complete wreck when I finally got to work.
Now on to the real fear. The only true fear I have, the one that paralyzes me to even think about.
Losing my parents.
In truth it’s losing anyone I love, but I guess because everyone else is still so young I just don’t see it happening. Kind of like how I don’t fear death because I’m only 26 – yes, it could happen, but what are the odds of that? When you’re young you seem invincible.
My parents are getting up there in age. I know it, they know it. They both have some health concerns. They’ve even talked about what ifs briefly. In 2010, my mom had bariatric (weight loss) surgery and she almost didn’t make it. It was probably the worst year of my life.
There was an instance with my dad, too – it was just the two of us, and he choked on something he was eating. But he literally wasn’t breathing, to the point that his face started turning purple. It was the most harrowing 30 seconds of my life, because I had an instant of mind-numbing panic – what do I do? Do I call an ambulance? Will they even make it in time?? – before I decided that I was going to do the Heimlich. Thankfully it didn’t come to that, he was able to dislodge whatever he was choking on. But still. That moment of paralyzing fear will stick with me for the rest of my life. It upsets me just to think about it. That is the only time I’ve ever felt true fear, and I hope I never have to feel that again.
If you didn’t know already from reading my posts, I have a very good relationship with my parents. I lived with them up until 3 months ago, at nearly 26 years of age, and their loving company is all I’d ever known my whole life until that point. I’ve had people tell me I need to prepare for a future without them, but I just can’t do it. I can’t even begin to think about it. In fact, I’m crying right now just writing this post.