Heartbeat Monthly (27): June & July 2020

Posted by Jessi (Geo) on August 9, 2020 | 0 Comments

June haul

Bought

Aurora Burning by Jay Kristoff & Amie Kaufman (US, Good Choice Reading)
Aurora Burning by Jay & Amie, Goldsboro edition
Aurora Burning by Jay & Amie, Illumicrate edition
Strayed vol. 1
Animosity vol. 1
Invader Zim: Gir’s Big Day
Luci Funko Pop

Freebies

Forest of Souls by Lori M. Lee (thank you Page Street/Macmillan!)

July haul

Bought

DEV1AT3 by Jay Kristoff
TRUEL1F3 by Jay Kristoff
Gardens of the Moon by Steven Erikson
Hold Back the Tide by Melinda Salisbury

Freebies

This is My America by Kim Johnson (Storygram Tours)
The Black Kids by Christina Hammonds Reed (Simon Teen)
The Princess Will Save You by Sarah Henning (Tor, Insta tour)
Shine by Jessica Jung + ticket bookmark & keychain (Simon Teen)

Thank you so much to Simon Teen/Riveted, Tor, and Storygram Tours for these beauties!

June & July Wrap Up

I usually do a full recap, but I honestly don’t have the energy to this time. I’ve been in a pretty bad slump for a few months, so I only finished 4 books in May, 3 books in June, and 5 books in July. I’ve DNFed 9 books since April. I’m just having trouble focusing on anything, or just plain getting into anything really. Depression sucked away the interest and joy I usually find in my hobbies for several months, which made things even worse because I lost my main form of escapism. Mid to end July I did start coming out of the slump, thankfully.

What I’ve been up to

April & May

I didn’t post a haul for April or May because I didn’t get anything at all (which hasn’t happened in forever). I went back to work after 6 (or maybe it was 8?) weeks off on quarantine until we were finally allowed to open back up again. We were SO busy! I worked 11 hour days, 5-6 days a week, for a few weeks straight. I was exhausted, but made a month’s worth of pay in one week so that’s a plus.

The main highlight of May was that Adam and I worked on our flower beds and whipped them into shape! I let them sit for 5 years, so they were in desperate need of some TLC. I spent hours working the beds to remove all the weeds, then installed a weed barrier, put down some top soil, and mulched. We spent WAY too much on flowers, but I’m happy with the way it turned out!

June

June was the start of the downward spiral that has taken hold of my life the past couple of months. My dad stopped chemo treatment because it was just making things worse, and they gave him 3-6 weeks. He moved in with Adam and me on June 11 – which, coincidentally was our one year anniversary. For our anniversary Adam and I dug a little bean-shaped garden out in our front yard to plant some flowers (with plans to only plant flowers that attract pollinators) as well as the little spruce tree I got him for Christmas for us to plant together. He bought me a Japanese Maple – which I’ve been wanting forever – and we planted it together. We named it Dexter! We also had an amazing dinner at a local fancy restaurant named Harrison’s. It was a much needed date and break from reality.

July

In July I started a new job at a different groomer and celebrated my 32nd birthday! I’m loving the new job, it’s a lot more chill and flexible than the other place. Plus, I’m actually working for myself – whereas I felt like just an employee at the other place – which is what I’ve always wanted. I am in 100% control of what appointments I take and everything else. And I’m making 20% more! I love it! The job offer was horrible timing, but I’m so glad I took the leap and accepted it.

My dad continued to decline. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, taking care of him and watching him get worse and worse and knowing there’s nothing I can do about it. He got mean, after chemo, and he was barely able to do anything anymore. Cognitive function was out the window. It’s awful to watch such a big strong man be reduced to that. It’s not something I would ever wish on anyone, not even my worst enemy.

Since I’m just now writing this the night before it’s to be published – and also because I probably won’t post an August recap – Hospice marked my dad as active on Thursday the 30th. They told us it could be a couple hours, it could be a couple days; 72 hours tops. It ended up being 5 days – which made 7 weeks since his last chemo treatment. Last Sunday and Monday he perked up to the point that when the nurse came out, she said she didn’t think he was actually active, and was in the pre-active stage. (Pretty fucked up, ‘scuse my language – “oh btw, your dad is dying and has days at best to live…oh wait, just kidding!” Honestly, Hospice has been a nightmare all around…we’ve had all kinds of problems with them as well as the private care agency we hired.) As it turns out, he was just rallying – Tuesday he declined severely. He was in pretty bad shape on Tuesday, and at 1:30 Wednesday morning he took his last breath while my sister, brother, and I held his hands. It’s the worst thing ever, watching someone you love with all your heart die, but at least he’s at peace now. And he went surrounded by loved ones. He’s not suffering anymore, and that’s what I’m holding on to now.